Hodgepodge

Before I entered med school, I heard a couple (law student and med student) critic each other's field, and what I distinctly remember was the law student's  hirit: ...these med students and doctors pretend to care for their patients, when they can't even remember their patient's name.  They call them bed number 1, bed number 2, bed number blah blah blah... I was trying my best to be inconspicuous in the room, since I'm not really friends with them (my orgmate was the law student's roommate and we were just doing something that day).  She turned to me and asked if I'm really sure I'd want to be a doctor.  I said  yes .  Then she told me to make sure I'd be more compassionate and patient oriented. I was.  I tried.  But sooner or later, when you're left to monitor several beds by yourself, or extract blood from 1000 patients, you can't help but forget your patient's name.  I'm guilty of referring to them by their bed numbers, or thei...

I think I have acquired this habit of having my hair be at the mercy of hair butchers.  Yes, for the nth time, I just had a disastrous haircut.  You have to realize that when you have a short hair like mine, a simple mistake would leave you with not much choice - it's either you pretend you're making a statement by having it shaved or just live with all its ugliness.  Ugh.  For the first time, I cried over my hair...at the public restroom - in front of the mirror with all the other girls.  I know I looked like a complete idiot, but what can I do?  I felt stupid, helpless and well, uglier.  I mean, when it was all over, I just realized that in a few months, we will have to have our pictures taken for the yearbook.  Shux.  Good thing, my friend was with me to help me see the brighter side of things, and well, help me find a few hair clips that would help make the ugly parts inconspicuous.  Grrrr...  Well, as we both resolved, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.  For what kind,...

I hoped for a decent and friendly way out of that extremely difficult and awkward situation, but my chances of having that lies on somebody else's self-perception of worthiness.  How that is, I'm not sure.  I've turned someone down, and in doing so, I am aware that it must have meant to that person that everything from before does not and will never amount to my affection.   I have been selfish at some point in insisting that we remain friends.  There's a whole lot of damage, and I, in my interest of making things uncomplicated, refused to give way.  I was wrong in being inconsiderate that day, and I know now that it's not that easy.  Things will never be uncomplicated again.   Some things need to be reclaimed - be it pride, self-esteem, life?  In the same context as things or self have been viewed prior to even meeting or liking me.  I am not the one more devastated.  I am relatively unscathed because I have no obligation to reciprocate, and I have the luxury to le...

I've been blog-hopping today and I came across this celebrity's blog.  I have always admired him for his voice but I like his more upbeat counterpart, Jason Mraz, better.  I never knew he can write like this, or maybe have this kind of perspective on things.  I just have this theory that. limelight can damage some part of the brain that's responsible for keeping us firmly grounded. Despite all the criticism thrown on him - most recently is his hook up with Jennifer Aniston - I have a new-found respect for John Mayer.  Check out his blog:   http://www.johnmayer.com/blog Here's his blog entry: FROM THE HEART.... I need to write this.  I've been traveling alone in Japan for the better part of three weeks now, and It's been so remarkable an experience for me that I can't book a ticket home yet. I haven't spoken very much out loud these days, but I've been thinking to myself in what feels like surround sound. I can see so many things clearly, and feel so ...

I would have never done it had I been more careful, but then, it was inevitable.  I have subjected my cheap 2GB flash drive to a test.  I forgot to take it out from my blouse's pocket, and it was submerged in soap and water for at least 10 hours.  The great surprise:  it's functional - good as its pre-submerged state.   Only 450 pesos at CD-R King.  Brand:  pqi.  Galing!

I have just shifted from Ophtha to Pedia. Pediatrics is perhaps one of the dreaded rotations by interns and clerks in PGH, mainly because SIC job and the duties are physically taxing, in addition to the challenging procedures that come with small veins, crying (sometimes super hysterical) children and unreasonable expectations from their caregivers. So anyway, our block are officially pedia interns. Luckily, we are starting the 8-week rotation at the Pedia OPD.  And surprisingly, I am really loving it.  I like children's stares, i like giving vaccines, I like making my diagnosis and giving suggestions in the management.  I like the nice and helpful residents who are working with/supervising us at the clinic. But in less than two weeks, I know it's gonna be very very hard.  Pedia ward rotations WITHOUT clerks.  Huhuhu.

I was standing near the ACU Extension entrance giving my last few instructions to a 'bantay', when he said,   alam niyo doc, dito na-confine ang anak ko bago siya namatay sa bahay . All the while, I was charting some patients, seeing referrals, having conversations with residents and endorsements, making prescriptions, helping my patients budget their money, extracting blood - it was the first statement out of that routine.  It's interesting.  This man, who barely knows me, is sharing a personal, intimate matter.  For lack of a person to talk to, I suppose.  But why to an intern who runs around and around the hospital?   So he goes, pero tanggap ko na, masakit minsan.   It was the first time he stepped inside the PGH ER again after two years - after that very sad day when he decided to go home with his daughter who had biliary atresia.  They stayed at the Pedia ER for a month, hoping that a less invasive intervention could work.  But it didn't.  And nothing that we knew...

There's something nice about a clean pair of old chucks - a beard on a smooth, clear face - a ray of light on a post-duty intern's hair - a red rose in bloom amidst dying plants - the smell of perfume after a whole day of PGH ER duty - a laughter in between sobs - a baby's grip - an ironed piece of linen with faded prints wrapped on a newborn - a consultant eating an ice cream - a wedding ring on an 80 year old man's finger - a 9 year old cancer patient's dream..and hope - a child's stare and eventual smile - a family sharing one jollibee value meal. Love life.

It was my first time to be a PACU Intern today and my first patient turned out to be quite too strong for a 3 year old. She came in a little past lunch, asleep from the general anesthesia.  She was wrapped in linen, carried by a nurse, assisted by another nurse together with her anesthesiologist. I was there to receive her and monitor her vital signs every 15 minutes.  So I got her baseline VS.   Good so far .  IV line patent, VS stable, drop light, check.  In a matter of a few minutes, she was awake.  And not just awake.  I mean, A-W-A-K-E! She was crying, shouting, hysterical, taking off all the monitoring paraphernalia attached to her body, she even removed her left eye's pressure patch.  I didn't know how to go about it.  From my rotation in surgery and in anesthesiology, I never had a screaming post-op patient.  Just a few groggy, confused ones.  So there.  Good thing her mom's with us.  She was, I guess, just as confused.  She was cuddling and ineffectively restrainin...

SOJR PACU (Post Anesthesia Care Unit - where the post-op patients are brought and stabilized before being brought back down to the wards), is one of the most accessible places I can go to when I desperately need some quiet time alone (don't tell ophtha!).  I was the PACU Intern today and although i had no one to talk to after Anna finished minor OR and I was a sleepy post-duty intern - though I had hunger pangs because of skipping lunch -----I loved the place.. Relative to the PACU in PGH, SOJR's 100x better.  It only has 6 beds, a sleek nurses' counter, glass windows, a beautiful view of no less than the PGH-OPD and the building where I live, I can even see our 'balcony' from there.  Most of all, being in the 4th floor, it provides a very nice view of the sky. Earlier today, there were cumulus clouds! I forgot the last time I even paid attention to cloud formations.  For the longest time, I'd only look at the sky to gauge whether or not I should bring an ...

To all those who know me well enough, you'll know that today is a special special day..but for the past few years, it has been lived as if it were not - having usual breakfast, sans the excitement and the busy preparation days before, no posters, no gifts, nada. I guess it wasn't (will not be) empty.  There is, of course, this stabbing pain which slowly transforms into hopelessness. Everything is kept to ourselves.   Today will be difficult again, because on top of the realization that it has become so different from the happier days, our future seems bleak.  I have yet to muster enough emotional callus to convince myself and everyone else involved that today's going to be fine.

Me:  Bakit po kayo andito sa Ophtha? Patient:  My eyes. Me:  Ano po problema? Patient:  It's watery...flowing...down... Me:  Ah!  Nagluluha po kayo. Patient:  Yeah, that's right. Me:  Madami po ba? Patient:  Yeah, somehow. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Me:  Good Morning po.  Bakit po kayo andito sa Ophtha? Patient:  Tulog kasi ako ng tulog Me:   *perplexed* Ah, may kinalaman po ba doon ang mata ninyo? Patient:  Kasi ang eyebags ko ang laki, hinihila yung talukap (eyelid) ng mata ko pababa kaya ako nakakatulog.  Gusto ko nga ipatanggal eh. Me:  ( hay, goodluck talaga sa kin)

*Selfishness.Healing.Friendship*

Woohoo. Back to reality, the milder way.  Well, I was on duty at ACU-Extension (the less toxic part of the ER next to the Observation Unit)  as the Ophtha Intern. I did not have enough sleep the night before, just a total of 3 hours since I had to fetch my tita and accompany her to the airport at 4am.  The good thing was, I was ready to go to PGH at 5 am!  So there, I slept for another hour before going to the hospital.  I was walking in an almost leisurely pace, admiring the jeepneys and buses at Taft while I relish the almost toxic smoke that their 30 year old tambuchos were spouting.  It's gonna be my first duty as an intern.  Red nameplate.   Fixated talaga ako.    The first person that I actually saw was my friend Bunchessa, with her big, brace-full, happy smile as she said: I'm so happy you're here Annie!   I looked at the ER's big wallclock.  It read 7:06 am.   Sorry, I'm late, Bunch .  Then she said that the clock's not accurate.  She has an important a...

Meet the famous RED NAMEPLATE. And this one's mine. Class Logo, Full Name with my middle name spelled out, "UP" and "PGH". *Perfect* I wore it for the first time today.  I actually wasn't really aware that I haven't received mine yet until this morning when I was dressing up.  So I put on my old white nameplate and passively waited for the red one to be delivered to me (haha senorita!).  So anyway, ever so reliable polpins  was kind enough to personally give us our nameplates at sentro.   I have imagined that moment at least once a year since I entered med school.  I imagined euphoria, a teardrop or two, a ceremony with the Dean and PGH Director, maybe with GMA as well (haha!), maybe a non-fastfood dinner in celebration of our internship. There was none of that today.  It was very casual.  Post-duty LO Pol got it from a brown envelope.  He handed it to me as he would hand me a patient's chart.  There was no euphoria, no tears, no confetti...but drama...

It's really hard to talk about something when you really can't talk about it in the first place - for personal reasons, or for another person's sake.  I'm used to it, though.  In the several aspects of my life, I have been a passive recipient of pain.  I get hurt without doing anything.  Guess I'm life's favorite target.  I take it as openly as I would happiness.  Not because I like being hurt, but because I think that it's just all part of my life and sooner, I will know what it's for.  Life may not be fair, but I stubbornly believe that it is equally meaningful for all us, in just different ways. That keeps me going.