It's in the 'uhmmmm' after my 'hello'. It's the urge to call after I push my foot on the gas pedal. It's the text messages I get in between cases and referrals that makes me happy, or the random calls in between. It's the wake up call, or the silent lull at night when he volunteers to be with me as I sleep. It's the good mornings and good nights and I miss you. I tell him I am happy while he says he is happy when I am. He is the first to call on my birthday, Christmas, new year. He tells me he thinks about what's for me, then what's for us before what's for him. His plans include me. My heart is very very happy but afraid how beautiful everything is. I know this is going to be painful if it does not work, but I promised to be honest and brave. I guess giving my heart should not involve protecting it with anything. It is in being vulnerable and in handing it out there to the right person that I know deserves it. Raw and naïve - like the sweetest offering. Everyday I think about you. Everyday I pray for you and me and this. Everyday I also prepare myself to be hurt. Every single day I hope that you will still be there, but I also pray for strength when you aren't there anymore. I know you said before that there shouldn't be any expectations, but I guess you give me the reassurance I need from time to time. I am grateful for you and everything that you do for me and for us. And I am hoping against hope that this means to you as much as it does to me.

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