Writing Again, or Trying to, But Just the Same

I'm currently sitting in a nice restaurant with only 3 other customers, enjoying my oversized fresh strawberry shake and their free WIFI while I wait for my flight to Palawan. It's been crazy the past few months. Simply put, I've dreamt, I failed, I managed to find fulfillment in other things and I got to be grounded again, albeit tired from it all physically. I've come to accept that things happen for a reason, and it is through my perspective and attitude that I make rainbows or gloom out of this world.

I haven't had a decent entry in this blog. Well I've been lazy. Nothing much and so much has happened, if you know what I mean. The more important internal conversations and development are far more complex to write about, and I'm lazy, so there. But maybe I should write again, as I have before all the complexities came into play. I miss the old me, and somehow I'm glad to be somebody else (and I believe, better) today.

Let me start with that. I have changed. I remember struggling not to, and so afraid to. It cannot be helped. I became stronger. I built soft walls now so I'm less vulnerable. I care less, and I make sure I don't forget to love myself. I am more forgiving, a little less compassionate, I reduced my personal space and limited the people that I allow to come too close, enough to hurt me when they leave. I cry less, I think more, I don't dwell a lot in things that I cannot change, but I find myself wishing to turn back time sometimes.

So there. This is the new me now. Am I happier? Not exactly, but I have more peace now. The beach sure can do something. :)

And I am too lazy to go on. Again.

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