Hodgepodge

without thought, without pride, without fear...

Rehab is not the most popular department in PGH, and I am being kind.  Most students hate it.  At some point, I did.  But quite honestly, I am attracted to the field.  I've been vocal about it, and most, if not all of the people who learned that I am highly considering to train under the department distort their faces in disbelief.   But I like it.  I like it because in the spectrum of patient care, rehab is in the last phase, where our primary goal is not to make the patient live per se, but to make life a little better.  We make people walk better, talk better, function better.  I find that fulfilling.  And there are just a few rehab doctors in the country.  So why not? Last week, during one of my OR assists, the consultant and the senior resident asked me what my plans are after internship.  I said I don't have a definite answer yet but I am highly considering Rehab Med, then I stated my reasons.  Well they were surprised (I was not able to see face distortion since we were ...

We help people when big things happen to them, when you see them getting hit by a car, when a brother or a sister or a father or a mother dies, we're there for them because we can see that death kills more than the person it takes. And yet, the people around us who die a little all the time, moment by moment, who require the least help, the smallest sacrifice, are the ones we ignore completely. pleasefindthis.blogspot.com  

It's all starting to make sense now.

Today I laughed my teeth out over halo-halo and window shopping with a good friend.  It has been a while since I've been this close to being happy.  I once chose to live and feel.  Perhaps now is the best time to be smile again and not think too much.  It's time I sing la-la-la again.  I got a sad but upbeat song:   No me ames (Salsa Version) .  Oh if only I can dance.  I miss jogging, and heart-to-heart talks and good hearty laugh-trips.  I miss cooking for friends.  I miss spontaneity. So why don't I go back to the simpler life then.  Breath in, and exhale all negativities.  

I love you and I miss you so much. 42 days.

Nakahawak ka na ba ng tumitibok na puso? No sir. Sige hawakan mo na. So I touched it, because I know that unless I decide to go into this field (which is unlikely), I would never have the same opportunity.   Last night, I had the privilege to assist in an open heart surgery.  I saw and touched a beating heart.  It isn't very pretty, but it's an amazing piece of muscle.  It's rhythmic, and fatty and surprisingly bigger than I imagined.  It's not even very red.  I was asked to gently lift it up so the surgeons can anastomose the coronary artery with the bypass graft (they call it the lima).   I saw the heart stop and beat again.  Isn't that amazing?

Madalas ay sinasarili ko ang problema, marahil dahil alam ko namang ang bawat tao ay may sariling iniisip at dinaramdam.  Sa isang makasariling mundo, minsan ang pagbubukas ng puso at pagbubulalas ng hinanakit ay hindi ganun katanggap, kaya nga tayo nagbubuhos ng sama ng loob sa mga piling taong alam nating naiintindihan tayo at mabibigyan tayo ng kaunting oras. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, napagod ang utak at puso ko.  Alam ko na hindi ko ito kayang mag-isa nang biglang tumulo ang luha na unti-unting sinabayan ng hikbi.  Ayun na.  Lahat ng sama ng loob, ng itinatagong sakit, ng takot, ng pagsisisi, ng panghininayang - nailabas ko bilang maalat na tubig na nakakatigyawat (o taghiyawat).  Pero bilang ako, kinaya ko pa ring humarap sa salamin at isiping magiging mabuti ang lahat.    Mabuti na lang anjan ang tatay ko.  Magkaiba kaming tumingin sa mga bagay.  Siya ay pragmatic,  ako ay idealistic , ngunit pareho kami ng pinahahalagahan.  Tao, puso, tiwala, pamilya, kaibigan.  Maliban sa ilon...

Someday, and soon.