puso

Madalas ay sinasarili ko ang problema, marahil dahil alam ko namang ang bawat tao ay may sariling iniisip at dinaramdam.  Sa isang makasariling mundo, minsan ang pagbubukas ng puso at pagbubulalas ng hinanakit ay hindi ganun katanggap, kaya nga tayo nagbubuhos ng sama ng loob sa mga piling taong alam nating naiintindihan tayo at mabibigyan tayo ng kaunting oras.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, napagod ang utak at puso ko.  Alam ko na hindi ko ito kayang mag-isa nang biglang tumulo ang luha na unti-unting sinabayan ng hikbi.  Ayun na.  Lahat ng sama ng loob, ng itinatagong sakit, ng takot, ng pagsisisi, ng panghininayang - nailabas ko bilang maalat na tubig na nakakatigyawat (o taghiyawat).  Pero bilang ako, kinaya ko pa ring humarap sa salamin at isiping magiging mabuti ang lahat.   

Mabuti na lang anjan ang tatay ko.  Magkaiba kaming tumingin sa mga bagay.  Siya ay pragmatic,  ako ay idealistic, ngunit pareho kami ng pinahahalagahan.  Tao, puso, tiwala, pamilya, kaibigan.  Maliban sa ilong at paa, ito marahil ay ang mga bagay na naipamana niya sa akin.  Nilakasan ko ang loob at ibinulalas sa kanya ang saloobin ko.  Kilala niya ako kaya alam niya kung saan ako nanggagaling, kahit hindi detalyado ang kwento ko.  Iba pala pag ganun ang taong kausap mo, mas madali.  Hindi tulad ng ibang taong laging sinasabing ang babaw ng mga problema ko.  

Sabi ni dad, "Ang tigas kasi ng ulo mo.  Sabi ko naman sa iyo anak, manage your expectations.  Hindi lahat ng tao pareho ng pinahalahalagahan mo.  Wala pa yan.  Sooner or later, you'll learn."  Lagi niya ngang sinasabing mapang-api ang tunay na mundo.  Walang pakialam sa iba.  Ang importante ay makuha kung ano ang gusto, minsan kahit na ikapahamak o ikasakit ng ibang tao.  Sabi niya kelangan ko magbago.  Pero gusto ko ba?  Ayokong maging tulad ng iba.  Natatakot akong maging matigas.  

Sabi ko nga alam ko naman ang sasabihin niya.  Hindi ako ganun.  Hindi ganun ang tingin ko sa mga tao.  Kaya siguro ako nasasaktan.  Ewan.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tatette's shout out:  All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water... And that's the tragedy of living

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Thoughts

Every single day that I live, wake up, cross Taft, deal with patients and seniors, there comes a point when I stop and sort through the hell-lot-of-things that I do and wonder,   what matters? So, what does? I'm quite sure it's not poverty.  It's not the hierarchy.  Not the popularity.  Not the superficiality.  It's not even the impression I have of people and vice versa.  It's not about being the most efficient person in the team, not about being the crowd's favorite.  Not the money, not the niceness, not the awards, not the title. What I do know is, It doesn't matter if you are klutzy, or have given the worst first impression, as long as you prove to people that you are becoming better and better by the day. Don't mind people saying bad things about you.  Live with your life.  Bark..bite..fight if they stand in your way.  They don't matter. It matters to do something for people.  Making a positive difference matters. Everyone is equal.  I don't
Read more

I'm scared.

I met with my superb mentoring group for dinner and a little chat.  It was supposed to be an out of town trip, but because of several reasons, we settled for a simple dinner treat by our beloved (and much coveted) mentor.  It was fun and the chat started with gossip, med school memories, tips, boards etc.  It was until the post dinner coffee chat that we talked about the more important things.   That's when it dawned on me.  I am scared alright.  Im scared of the future.  I am scared of the board exams.  I am more scared of what's in store after the boards (given that I pass).  Im 25, in a little over 5 months, I'll be 26.  My mother got married when she was 27 and had me at 28, and built her life around us since then.  Some say we shouldn't bother with age.  But I have eggs that are growing old, and follicles that barely mature because of PCOS.  I want to have a family.  I want to have children.  I want to make a difference in the world.  But that I can't do withou
Read more

Palawan Adventures: Quezon

Image
So I spent a year and 7 months working as a medical officer in a hospital in Quezon, Palawan. Those were fun times! I'd like to show you what that humble municipality has to offer in terms of its beaches. Do you know that Quezon is home to the Tabon Cave - where the famous Manunggul Jar was discovered. It was home to the earliest men and women. It may not have the best beaches (because I think the beaches up north are better), but it has a number of good islands too. Tabon Cave. There are 200+ caves but only a few are explored and are open to the public. You have to go hike all the way up and down its trails to be able to visit each of the caves. Right down below is the beach, where you can take a dip after a really tiring trek. Each cave has different attractions, but I was really drawn to the amazing stalactite and stalagmite formations in that cave known as the Cathedral. I've never seen a cave big enough to be a gym, and a stalagmite big enough that you have to clim
Read more