puso

Madalas ay sinasarili ko ang problema, marahil dahil alam ko namang ang bawat tao ay may sariling iniisip at dinaramdam.  Sa isang makasariling mundo, minsan ang pagbubukas ng puso at pagbubulalas ng hinanakit ay hindi ganun katanggap, kaya nga tayo nagbubuhos ng sama ng loob sa mga piling taong alam nating naiintindihan tayo at mabibigyan tayo ng kaunting oras.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, napagod ang utak at puso ko.  Alam ko na hindi ko ito kayang mag-isa nang biglang tumulo ang luha na unti-unting sinabayan ng hikbi.  Ayun na.  Lahat ng sama ng loob, ng itinatagong sakit, ng takot, ng pagsisisi, ng panghininayang - nailabas ko bilang maalat na tubig na nakakatigyawat (o taghiyawat).  Pero bilang ako, kinaya ko pa ring humarap sa salamin at isiping magiging mabuti ang lahat.   

Mabuti na lang anjan ang tatay ko.  Magkaiba kaming tumingin sa mga bagay.  Siya ay pragmatic,  ako ay idealistic, ngunit pareho kami ng pinahahalagahan.  Tao, puso, tiwala, pamilya, kaibigan.  Maliban sa ilong at paa, ito marahil ay ang mga bagay na naipamana niya sa akin.  Nilakasan ko ang loob at ibinulalas sa kanya ang saloobin ko.  Kilala niya ako kaya alam niya kung saan ako nanggagaling, kahit hindi detalyado ang kwento ko.  Iba pala pag ganun ang taong kausap mo, mas madali.  Hindi tulad ng ibang taong laging sinasabing ang babaw ng mga problema ko.  

Sabi ni dad, "Ang tigas kasi ng ulo mo.  Sabi ko naman sa iyo anak, manage your expectations.  Hindi lahat ng tao pareho ng pinahalahalagahan mo.  Wala pa yan.  Sooner or later, you'll learn."  Lagi niya ngang sinasabing mapang-api ang tunay na mundo.  Walang pakialam sa iba.  Ang importante ay makuha kung ano ang gusto, minsan kahit na ikapahamak o ikasakit ng ibang tao.  Sabi niya kelangan ko magbago.  Pero gusto ko ba?  Ayokong maging tulad ng iba.  Natatakot akong maging matigas.  

Sabi ko nga alam ko naman ang sasabihin niya.  Hindi ako ganun.  Hindi ganun ang tingin ko sa mga tao.  Kaya siguro ako nasasaktan.  Ewan.


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Tatette's shout out:  All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water... And that's the tragedy of living

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